Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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