Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
