in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
