i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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