Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
