my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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