I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
