I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
