I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
