yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
