We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
