That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize