i would punch a child for taco bell
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
