I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
not ubering you a puppy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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