dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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