somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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