I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
