well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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