So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
