my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
