I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
