He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
