what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
