I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
