Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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