its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Vodka?
Forever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
