youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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