I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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