Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
