the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
