I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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