oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
