Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
