at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
