Don't make out with my wife yet
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
