I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
