Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
