I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
