is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
