what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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