The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
