i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
