No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize