after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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