hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
