Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
