Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
