I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
