the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
