Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
