my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Randomize
