I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
