all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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