Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
