your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
