You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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