my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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