I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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