I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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