I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
