he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
