is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We talked him into tasing himself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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