you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
