I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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