i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
