I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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