You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
