I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
