But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
