i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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