Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
