the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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