I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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