I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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