Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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