I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
