He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
