You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
