i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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