Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
