nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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