I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize