he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
