dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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