I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
