Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
