I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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