even my farts smell like vagina
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
