All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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