wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
