Your tits are I can't wait for
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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