man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
