Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize