Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
