The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
