i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
