How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
